How to Change Your Subconscious Story About Love (STOP feeling lonely and single)
We all have subconscious stories. We tell ourselves like, guys, don't pay attention to me. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Every person I date is the same type of person with a different face. Why can't I attract love? I'm just that crazy cat lady. Every person I date is emotionally unavailable. I feel like I'm always the one to put in the effort. All of those are stories we may tell ourselves. However, when we take out the subconscious story we have about love, we become free to really attract love into our own lives.
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Today, I'm going to be showing you how to unveil your subconscious story, which has been on autopilot. Running itself out over and over and over again, and you might not even know it and understand that our reality is a direct reflection of the story that we tell ourselves consistently. When it comes to our subconscious story, this little thing right here is supposed to be one of those glaciers or something where a lot of them are submerged under the water. Most of our story about love is under the water and then a little bit of it we are aware of. First off, let's understand that subconscious. We give it this very esoteric meaning we're like, what is this subconscious?
It sounds like this very abstract thing. The idea is that it's just, we're not aware of it. That's it. It doesn't have to be this really mystical flying butterfly thing. It's like what is that? What is that? It's like it just means it's unconscious or subconscious, and now you make it conscious, and what you do to do this is you go through, and you start to ask questions. You start to unveil the perspectives you have unveiled some of the perspectives maybe your parents had, and the more aware of the subconscious stories you become, the better. The more that you are then able to change it. Realize that we have a little stick figure right here. Our reality is direct. It's a mirror reflection of the story we tell ourselves on the inside about love.
Question things like I always attract this type of person into my life. Things like it's hard for me to attract someone into my life, or it's easy for me to attract them, but it's hard for me to keep them. These are all stories. Then there might be stories that are parents. We may have modeled growing up like love doesn't last. It's something that I've seen divorcing divorce happen a couple of times in my family, and because of that, part of me is like, do I even ever want to get married? That's my subconscious story about love. It means that it doesn't have to be this esoteric, weird thing cause it's subconscious. It just means it was subconscious. Once you make a conscious, then it's a choice. But until then, it's on autopilot. It's like the shadow that is there. Your subconscious story may and most likely is exactly what is holding you back from experiencing love in your life, from attracting the person that you want to be with.
The one that you would really resonate with at a deep level. There's a subconscious story that keeps that person from coming into your life. Imagine they're trying to crawl themselves into your life, but what you're doing is you have the subconscious story that's like blocking them out. You're like this, and then then you don't even see them, and they're just crawling, trying to get in. But you got that subconscious story there. You may believe that you are not lovable. Subconsciously, you may have had experiences growing up where someone broke up with you, and you said, I'm not worthy. You have these rules in place that many times may hold us back from experiencing the love that we naturally are and understand that when it comes to attracting love into our life, it comes due to vibrational resonance.
The key to this is actually feeling the self-love now. Even think of it like this. Then what happens is we have a rule, a rule about love and side of our mind that says, well, when I, someone's in my life, I will then be able to feel love because every single Disney movie that we've ever watched has shown some miserable person that is lonely and miserable, and then eventually they find some type of a person, someone rescues them, whatever the story is, the story, the subconscious story that is being shown. Then, in the end, they lived happily ever after, and they are fighting the wholly complete. Then as we grow up and we're six years old, we see this on Disney, and we see Cinderella, we've seen snow white and all of these Latin and all these and we're like, Oh, maybe if I get that person, that Prince charming, that a princess, I will finally feel worthy holding complete.
This has been embedded in my subconscious mind that this is what it takes to be loved. This is what it takes. Then we have a rule, and that rule says, when this person comes into my life and saves me like the princess that he is the Prince charming. All we did was had a rule. They met that rule, they met that blueprint, and then we feel self-love the whole time. By the way, love is within us. We can feel the love. It's just that we've got these stories that keep us from feeling the love because we're like, wait, don't you feel that love yet? Don't you feel it? Because if you feel it, then it's the idea is that we have this rule that says that we can only feel it once they actually come into our life.
That's the rule that keeps us from feeling the love, which would then help us to actually attract more love into our lives due to vibrational resonance. That's why I always say the statement; you find the one you love by doing what you love, because when you're doing what you love, you're in the core frequency, and you love other parts of your life. Then that person comes in as a direct reflection of that. You are attracting someone based on that reflection. The keys to really be who you're meant to be in life, do what you're passionate about. Our subconscious story about love is under the surface.
In this blog, I'm going to show you exactly how to figure that out. For that, I have this which I already made, which kind of helps this process of the visual presentation. We may say I'm not worthy of a certain type of relationship. Whatever the word is. A lot of the most common limiting belief, by the way, is the belief that I am not worthy. I am not enough. The most common limiting belief that most people have added the key to this is this understanding right here. I did it. I did a good job, huh? Huh? Look at that. It says this is a table. Okay, beautiful. Well, well, draw a table.
I can't manifest love. That's not a core belief. That's a side effect of something else. People will try to change. I'm, they'll try to change that says, Oh, I can attract love. Then they'll find that there are other things that are also reflecting back to them, that same thing. Maybe if they believe they're not worthy, they have trouble finding love, and they also have trouble manifesting money. You see, so it's a core belief thing, and the way you find your core belief is you see what is the emotion you would feel and what is the fear you have about not attracting a relationship or not attracting money?
Well then, maybe I wouldn't be, I'm abundant. Then what would happen if I wasn't abundant? I wouldn't be able to have enough. Well, then what would happen if I didn't have enough? Then maybe I realize I'm not enough, and then maybe I wouldn't be accepted by friends and family. Then what would happen if I didn't get accepted by friends and family? Maybe it all gets tied back to I am not enough. We have this tabletop, which is the core belief of I am not enough, which most a lot of people that if they're having trouble finding and attracting love, it may be there's that subconscious belief that says I'm not enough.
There's one experience that one time I was rejected, which for me there was one time when I was rejected more than once, but that time that I was rejected was that the first time that it was really memorable was when I was like 11 to 13 years old. I think I was 13 because it was like this teenage party in this park. What I did is that we were allowed to go to the school dance and I asked the 18-year-old teacher to dance with me and I just kind of laughed. She wanted to dance with someone else her age, and she kind of passed me off to this other chick I did not want to dance with, and that made me faster rejected, and I had this feeling I that then started to wire in. Maybe I'm not enough.
That was one memorable experience. I also had experiences that weren't even related to love experiences such as maybe my next step ex stepmom, who is verbally, physically, emotionally abusive, that really wired in, Oh, Hey, you're not enough. You'd barely deserve to go to school. You barely deserve to eat. Because I had those experiences, then that also helped, that also wired in. I am not enough now. There may be other experiences, but the key is to look through your memory bank. Sometimes we've suppressed those memories, but start to ask your question, the question, what is the reference experience that may have wired this meaning in this belief that says, I am not enough?
I'm not enough, and then I'm not enough translated into other things in our life, and that just was an unquestioned belief that we had. What you want to do is you want to write out whatever that core belief is for you and then see the reference experiences that you've had that may have wired that in. This is all unprocessed emotion. It's all unprocessed emotion, meaning you felt it, and it was something that was not really understood from a certain perspective, and therefore it kind of got; it was like an unquestioned meaning that then got integrated. We have these unprocessed emotions as these different legs. The key to this process of what I'm sharing with you today is becoming aware of your subconscious story. About love, and what it takes for you to be loved, what rules you have about when you'll know you're loved.
Because I'll tell you what, the harder you make the rules, the less likely you are to feel love. Remember what I'm talking about, attracting love. It's about you putting that love first, feeling the emotion within you first by loving yourself, and then finding someone else that is also able to love you as well. Plus, making your story really easy for people to like. It's easy for me to attract love into my life. It's easy for me to exude love because I am loved. Those are very easy rules that we can have. But if we're like it's very hard to attract love, and I would only feel love when other people have said to me, I love you, Aaron. Then when you say that enough, then I'll finally feel it, and then you have to buy me nice gifts.
If you buy me like really nice gifts and you tell me you love me like three times a day and then maybe I'll look at that, and I'll think about it and then maybe I'll feel the love. The harder we make those rules, the less likely we are to feel love. But if you make it really easy, it's like I feel love because I really recognize that within myself that I'm more so able to feel it. Do you see it? But we have these unquestioned meanings and these unquestioned beliefs with us. Here's the process. First off, find your core belief is that I'm not enough. I am not worth a lot. I'll tell you right now, a lot of times, most people have that limiting belief because we grow up in a society where we're comparing ourselves to other people.
We're literally made to feel like we're not enough, cause then better consumers. The more we feel we're not enough, the better we're going to buy, the more we're going to buy stuff. That's just the way we've been primed from a cultural standpoint. When we realized these things, and we realize that we have these core beliefs that the Disney movies, then we start to realize these things and realize that we've been primed in a way prime to give up the dime, to give up the dime, to give up the money so that we become even more worthy. That's just the way it is. That's the way we've been programmed. But we can question these things, and that's the part of this process. Find your core belief. Find the reference experiences that may have wired that in and start to ask yourself the question.
The first step is always awareness. What does that subconscious story bring? The subconscious out of the dark and into the light? You do that by asking questions. What would this belief be? What would I believe to be true, to be having this kind of experience? Understand that the way it works as well is first we have a belief and a meaning or a story. Then we have an emotion. Then we have that of the action we take. Then we get the result, and then that fuels the story. Emotions come as a result of meaning. I just felt like Sarah [inaudible] sharing that now. Understand that the emotion we feel anytime we felt rejected, anytime we felt like we're not worthy or I feel like I'm shame, guilt, those come from some story, some meaning of something that happened in the past. The key to this is having awareness.
Then secondly is once you become aware of these little reference experiences of some of them, you can then start to doubt them. You can start to doubt them. You can start to look at the story in a different way. You can start to question those experiences. Here’s the thing too, that neuroscience shows us every time we remember a memory from the past, we change it a little bit before we put it back in our memory bank. By the time we've thought about something hundreds of times, sometimes thousands of times, it's a completely different memory that has been over overlaid with the story over and over again until it's completely changed because of the narrative we put on it. For example, that one time, I was rejected. What actually happened? Let's look at that. You could separate the story from what actually happened.
Well, what happened? I asked some girl to dance with me, and she said, no, that's what happened. That's it. That's it. I asked a girl to dance with me. She said no. The story is I went up to this girl, she was 18 years old, and I thought she was going to like me, and I asked her to dance with me, and she sent me to somebody I did not want to dance with. That's all a story. What actually happened? I asked to dance with the girl. She said no. The story is emotionally charged. What happened is not emotionally charged when you're able to see and doubt the old story. I could even add a different story to what maybe she was having a bad day, or maybe she, I was just too much of a 13-year-old stud, and she was just worried and like not confident around me because I was so confident as a little 13-year-old guy.
Maybe that was it. Right? But when you start to see it from a different perspective, it starts to doubt it. You start to relate to it in a new way. Also, you can have fun with it. That's why I'm kind of saying it in his fun, lightweight. In general, the idea is that then you're able to see it in a different way. You're able to relate to it in a different way, and you're able to doubt these different reference experiences. One thing with my ex stepmom, I realized that she was treated the same way from her dad when she was a kid. That's the only way she thought she could feel powerful. I could imagine it like she's like tearing down people's sandcastles.
She's going around like I'd make a case out of council and she would read it like this and just kick it like, like this, and then I'd feel sad. Do you see it? It's like I'm able to see it in a funnier way. It didn't relate to it a different way, but really, she was just afraid because she didn't want other people to build really nice Sam castles. She felt kind of threatened if somebody did have good sandcastles. That's why she tore down people sandcastles. You see, that's a metaphor. But that's the idea as the idea is you're able to see them and then doubt them and kind of relate to them a new way. It's awareness than doubt. Then the third step to changing your subconscious story about love or really anything is reframing it with your new identity reframe.
That was the reframe. See in a new way and seeing that these couple of reference experiences that built up this core belief, it's only a couple. Many times if you look through your past about love, you can find many exceptions or many instances where you were actually loved. I had other experiences when I went up to someone, and I asked them out, they said yes, but you focus on that deal yet because they've got these core beliefs is I'm not enough. You see, so the key is then focusing on these other parts. That's something I found actually helps as well. People would have kicked out his sandcastle. A rod got rejected by that 18-year old that one time. Who was afraid that he was going to, that he was just so confident.
You see, that's a story, though. I'm not saying necessarily the best thing to do is to build another story, but it's to realize what happened to the story we tell ourselves about what happened. You see, so this is a three-step process to love and to really just hear if there's one other thing I could tell you as well that really helps is, is understanding that you are the star of your own movie. You are the star of your own movie. You're not the cameo. The more you realize you are the star of your own movie, the more you show up in the world as the star, and the more that then people respond to you in that way, you would literally are the star of your own movie.
Anytime it's been difficult for me to attract love into my life, it's because I'm trying to be a cameo in someone else's movie, not understanding that I am the star of my own movie. You are the star of your own movie. That's also when you can make powerful choices. You can make new choices about who you are. When you make these new choices, you find that then you feel empowered. When you also make choices, and you're doing what you're passionate about for a living, and you make it a choice to just go for it, and you focus on things like that, you'll then be in a more powerful state. Realize that we may have a subconscious story that we tell ourselves about who we are, and the subconscious story is running our life about love. But what you can do becomes aware of that subconscious story.
As you become aware of that subconscious story, you then bringing out of the dark and into the light, and then guess what? You do whatever you want with it. You can then choose a new story. You can then be the best version of yourself, and you can question those old beliefs about love, that you have realized that anybody on the outside that loves you back, you're giving yourself permission. They're meeting a rule inside of you. Then because they need that rule, then you give yourself permission to feel love. But the love is inside you the whole entire time.