How to Set Boundaries without feeling guilty

I swear it's like everyone is draining my energy. It's like how much can they get out of me and it leaves me feeling tired and like I just don't have the energy for myself to take care of me. But yeah, sure. Welcome back to another blog. Today, you're going to learn exactly why people are draining your energy plus how you can set boundaries, not feeling guilty is the way that this works is a, a lot of people that go through a spiritual awakening will go through a part where, or just in general, people in general that are going through the process of doing their own work, of becoming aware of how they can transform their own lives. You'll find, and these people will find that once they start doing that, many other people will start to attach themselves to their energy.

They'll start to almost in a way get something energetically from the people that are doing the work or from just people in general. What happens is then the people that are giving it and a lot of times people that are given it want other people to be happy. They're doing it with great intentions. What ends up happening though is those people that are giving the energy end up feeling drained and like they don't have the energy for themselves. I know that when I went through my awakening process and I started doing the inner work, I noticed that people started to really gravitate to me and in a way, they would come to me for certain things. I remember I had some friends that would come to me anytime they were having relationship issues and then they would want me to talk them into feeling okay about it.

There were people that would come to me for advice, for motivation. Things weren't working out. Even to this day, I'm becoming aware of how to have better boundaries because I find that sometimes I give too freely and I end up feeling drained and I need to be aware of filling up my own cup before I actually give it to other people. This is something that I'm definitely becoming more aware of now as well. However, the thing that I've learned that's changed everything for me is learning why I feel drained in the first place. If you figured out why it makes it so much easier to understand how you can reset these boundaries without feeling guilty. We'll talk about as well, why do people feel guilty when they start to set boundaries? The intro that you saw the metaphor of that is a lot of times people may come in and they may say, Hey, can I have some of this?

What happens is we, out of politeness, we say yes and then maybe they grab one of our cans of motivation or our bottles of motivation, but maybe they didn't get used to it. They continue to grab the different bottles of motivation until there's almost none left inside of your fridge. That happens for a lot of people. They will give their energy freely and then find that they feel drained in the process. Then that's why do I feel drained? Well, why did you give away those bottles knowing that you needed those bottles for the next couple of days? You got to go to the store and you got to get some type of bottle to fill back up your fridge rather than of keeping what you needed until the next time you went to the grocery store. That's a metaphor for how this process works.

Let me share with you first off, what are boundaries? What are the boundaries? These are is actually what boundaries are. I made this little thing right here. Boundaries are there is what you allow and then there is what you do not allow. These are the boundaries. Allow what we don't allow. You already have some type of boundaries. If somebody were to come into your house and start beating you up or beat up your dog or something like that, you'd be like, no, that, that is where I draw the boundary. I do not allow that. But for some reason what happens is we get so used to people, us treat us a certain way that we allow that we say no to this, but we say yes to this and once we start to say yes to something, we then start to assume that that is what we are worthy of.

Do we start to assume that that's what we must do in order to be loved? See, there's a deeper aspect here. There's a deeper aspect and one of the reasons that we may allow people to walk on us is because we want their acceptance or their approval. We want our friends to like us. Have you ever felt guilty when your friends want you to come out and you find it hard to say no, even though you know you might want to go out? For me that for a long time, that was something that I had to really learn to deal with because when I went through my spiritual awakening, people were so used to having me around, you know, before my spiritual awakening, I would drink a lot. I would smoke weed and I'd have friends that I will go and do that with. Then I go through spiritual awakening and I start meditating.

I started feeling completely different. Those things don't interest me the same the way that they used to. Then people would ask me to come out and I'd be like, out of a pattern, out of expectation. I'd be like, okay. I would go out and I would end up feeling drained. Even though I'm in the back of my mind while I'm there, I'm like, I don't really want to be out right now, but there's some type of obligation in a way. I wanted to be accepted. I wanted to still be liked. They expected me to be a certain way and I was doing my best to uphold that. Even though deep down I didn't really feel like going out and doing that. You want to come to my house, we can do meditation and stuff. I'm down for debt, but going out and drinking and stuff.

Of course, there's always balance here. I'm not saying that that's even to this day, it's the only thing I like doing is sitting around meditating. Maybe it is, but in general, what do you allow over here and then what do you not allow over here? The thing is at a certain point we decided, okay, I guess I'm going to allow this. Then our friends are like, oh they allow this, this is okay. Then what happens? Like, say a friend talks you into going once. Like yeah, I don't know if I want to go like just go, come on, you know you want to go. Or like deep down. Like could it be like the old-time, just come have a beer with the boys, you know what I mean? Or something like that. You're like, okay, I got, I'll go and then you go.

Then what happens is every single time after that they're like, Hey, they already agreed to go a couple of times ago. I know I can get them to go again. Then they're on their friend's phone with friends later and they're like, yeah, this person might not go. He's like, Oh, that you went last time. I'll talk him into it again. Then they see that as the opportunity and then what happens is the next time you say no, you're going to feel rude in polite and you're going to feel, and then you're not going to want to let them down. Then if they let them down, what if they don't talk to you for two weeks or something? What if they don't act like you the same way they used to like you? Do you see how that works? That's what happens when I'm talking about boundaries.

What are your boundaries? Here's the crazy thing you want to hear. The crazy thing about boundaries, this is the part that's very hard to swallow, okay? Like that bottle of motivation. You've got to swallow that yourself. That's hard to swallow when it comes to boundaries. Do you want to know whose fault this is? Do I know we, it's our fault? It's your fault. It's my fault. It's the person that feels drains fault because they agreed and said, yes, you can take this, you can have this. Until we realize that it's our responsibility to say no to someone else taking our bottles of motivation until we realize it's our responsibility. We will remain in a story that says, other people are doing this to me. I don't have free reign over my own energy over my bottles of motivation other people do, and the moment we're in that frame and we're using that excuse or story is the moment we give our energy way even more.

The hard, the cold hard truth about this is that we must take responsibility for our own energy of what we allow versus what we don't allow. We must not allow others to take our energy if we aren't already 100% or willing deep down to do that. Deep down you may have been thinking, Hey Eric, can I have these bottles and motivation and I would have it in my mind like, well I don't go to the store for another three days. I need one of those a day at least. Then they proceed to take three of them. I've got to go to the store today. That metaphor is exactly the way it is. Many people do it. The reason people are draining your energy is that you're letting them because at a certain part in the past you decided that it is okay for you to allow them to and you didn't.

You've allowed them to over here and you didn't draw the line. If you draw the line, you're going to look like a rude person. You don't want to be rude and you don't want to be rejected. You don't want to lose their love and acceptance. Do you see how that works? That is the key to this whole process. Why do you feel guilty about setting boundaries? Do you want to know why you feel guilty about setting boundaries? Because you feel responsible for others. You feel responsible for their problems. They come to you with their relationship issues. I know people that people, anytime they're having relationship issues or certain people they go to and they just want, and here's the thing, eventually you end up enabling people. I've realized this in my own life when it comes to sometimes, let's say some people in my life don't, aren't good at finances, so they looked at me and like errands, great at finances, look at him, he's successful and they're like, Hey Aaron, can I ask them money?

Then guess what happens? I give them money. Once I get the money, guess what? They just keep coming to me and now they feel like the I, I become the source of their security. Then eventually what I had to do is I had to set the boundary and say, you know what? I can't keep doing this because I'm enabling you. Instead of you having your own power to figure this out, I am taking away your power and I am giving you something that's making you feel better for a period of time, but then you have to come back to me and now you have thought that I am the source of the abundance. When you are actually the source of the abundance, I will teach you and show you how to tap into your own source, but I will not keep giving you from my source because then I end up feeling drained and used.

You see, this is it. When I was giving like that in the first place, you want to know what it was. I thought responsible. I'm like, Oh, well you know I love you. I want you to be happy. I want to fix your problems. I'm also someone deep down that tries to fix things all the time. I get it from my dad. Thanks, dad. I tried to fix things, do something wrong with people. I want to fix them. I want to help them. I want people to feel good too. This goes so far that I end up that I end like completely taking on other people's emotions and stuff. Other people feel negative emotion. What did I do? Did I cut? Is there anything I can help you with? I didn't do anything wrong but still, I want to help you feel better, but what I'm realizing is that I am not responsible for other people's pain.

I am not responsible for other people's unresolved emotional issues. You are not responsible for your friend's relationship issues. You are not responsible for getting your other friends motivated. You are not responsible for helping other people to get some way to be like you. You're not responsible and once you realize you're not responsible, you won't feel so guilty. When you realize that you are stealing from them. You are stealing their power and you are becoming the source and it's draining you but also your net. You're enabling them to continue to use you as their source. Let me share with you one quick example. I've shared this a couple of times before. This may be a repetitive story. I do a lot of videos. It happens. I went recently with a friend with a couple of friends to red rock in here in Las Vegas.

We went hiking and there was this cave as the top of red rock. Once we got up there and this cave, you kind of had to jump to get to, it wasn't as easy to get to. Well, I was with some friends and what happened is I get up there and then one of my friends is kind of afraid to get up there because she's afraid of heights. Then what happens is she's with her husband, who's one of my best friends and she's like, Oh, I am scared. She started freaking out a little bit. I was like, Hey, just take my hand. Just take my hand. I will get you up. Then she's like, no, I'm not going to take your hand. And I'm like, why? Why don't you take my hand?

I kind of felt rejected. Like, why wouldn't you take my hand? I just want to help her up and everything will be good and she'll get her out of pain and then she's like, no. It becomes like a five-minute thing where she's like, no. Like trying to get up and then she gets up and I'm like, why wouldn't you just take my hand? I just wanted to pull her up. At that moment, I realized that I had this selfish desire to pull her up so that I could get the emotional payoff of feeling like, yes, I just added value. I am worthy. Somebody needs me. I was the hero because there's a selfish motive there that gets off on giving and helping other people. Because I'm a fixer. I just get off on fixing little problems. There's a problem, let me fix it. That's a pattern that I became. I'm starting to become aware of in my own life where I'm always trying to help people, always trying to fix people. I wanted to become the source of her solution subconsciously not knowing that it's because then I would feel more worthy. Why? Because I have somehow made a rule to myself that if I do something like that, then I can be worthy. Instead of knowing I am worthy of just being me. I don't need to please other people to make them happy. I am worthy of just being me. I am worthy. Whether I give people relationship advice or not, I don't need to give it.

I am worthy and loving whether I give people money or not. Actually, I probably even more powerful if I empower other people to create their own abundance from their own source within themselves instead of becoming their source. You see, this is how it works, so this is exactly what I share on this YouTube channel as well. By the way, if you haven't subscribed to the YouTube channel, subscribe, turn on notifications. I've got a lot more videos coming out that will show you these different shadow aspects of ourselves. Videos that help empower you to become the best version of you. That's exactly what we do here. We let go of responsibility. Realize you can draw the line of what you allow, what you don't allow. Do not allow people to walk on you to take your energy. Understand that as you draw those boundaries, the only reason you would feel guilty at all is if you take responsibility for their energy, for their happiness, and once you realize that you just really want their love and acceptance, you can give yourself that love and acceptance you crave and then you won't feel guilty, so the next time you do it, the first time you do it that you draw that boundary.

It may feel kind of weird. You may feel kind of guilty at first, but keep reminding yourself, no, this is my true power. This is what I'm worthy. This is what I feel like doing and don't feel guilty if people try to guilt-trip you into it. If they try to guilt-trip you, then that's on them. That's something they need to deal with. You don't need to agree to it. But remember, the main key of this is knowing that you've allowed it. Once you know that, then you could take responsibility for it and then get rid of the story that people always do this as well. Let's say the thing as well. Get rid of that story. There's a lot that goes into this. A lot of people that watch videos on boundaries may get value out of an understanding. Narcissists and people that kind of have control over you. I have a whole series on that. I'll go ahead and link it right here. Go to check that out. It's on narcissists and sociopaths how to, why they don't get their karma, and also how to take your power back. That'll help you just in life in general and many different ways.