Non-Neediness: The Secret to Having Love Chase YOU


The ratio of how not needy you are will have a direct impact on how attractive you are. The more non- neediness you can have and the more you can let go of needing anything, the more attractive you are, the more you will have love chasing you. Today’s blog is going to show literally how you can have money and love chase you and it has to do with understanding the energy dynamics of being what is called not needy and imagine it anytime you've really wanted something you felt like you may have needed it and then by needing it what happens is it puts you into a scarcity mindset and in that scarcity mindset, guess what happens?

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Your body language gets all tense. People can see also that you have an end in mind. This will work for both men watching this and a woman either way and any type of orientation as well. It has to do with just as a general basis. I'd say it's more common for men to be needy than woman and a lot of that is because women mostly will get more attention and have more options, will be more abundant than men will. However, this is something that I've learned from experience just in general. The more that I let go of the outcome, the more that I'm just myself and the more that I'm able to not need anything, the more things just come at me.

Whether that be love, whether that be money, whether that be whatever. I've experienced this when it comes to even grow on YouTube, believe it or not, the more I was obsessing over, you know, growing and having these like external goals and doing things for a means to an end, the more resistance I would create. But the funny thing was the more I let go, the more results actually came. It's a huge paradox. I let go of caring what people think, guess what, more abundance came when it comes to love. I can look at almost every relationship I've had and if I have placed them on a pedestal and wanted anything from them. Anytime that I tip the scales the other way and I was like not needy and I was good either way and I was in a masculine person or just I guess masculine energy is about being focused and centred and grounded in certain values and principles and having boundaries as well.

One of the things that happen, especially if people are on a spiritual path, is they may in a way get rid of those. A lot of that maybe some type of people-pleasing. But I'm telling you it's not too late for you to take your power back. This is something that you can learn. This is something that you can embody and you don't have to continue to be needy all because maybe you have been in the past. Now you're wondering, well how do I not be needy? How do I have non-neediness? Well, it comes from understanding the basis of who you are and how you go about things. This may require a little bit of inner work but understand this. Say we're right here and this is like a glass of water and I use that as an analogy, but imagine that this glass of water in a way, what we may be saying is I lack approval, validation, worthiness or love.

These are things mostly we want in love and relationship and think about it. Anything we want is because we will feel better in relation to it. If we say I want a relationship, it's like, well what do you really want? What you really want is you probably want compassion connection. You maybe do want that validation or approval. But here is the crazy thing when we look in other people for these things, we're assuming that these things don't already exist inside of us. One of the main reasons people are needy is because they are under a false presumption that approval, validation, worthiness and love exists in someone else's cup. If I could just get that approval, validation, worthiness or love, then I'll feel worthy. Then I can have all of these things. But here's the thing, those things already exist inside of you and if you were to give yourself these emotions, then guess what would happen? You would be not needy. If you're a people pleaser, I was a people pleaser for a long time. If you look to a lot of the way that somebody grew up, you can not a lot of times tell why someone may be a people pleaser.

For example, I had an ex stepmom that was very controlling, so between seven and 15 years old when she was in my life before my dad divorced her when I was 15 I was doing things to please her because she had such high standards and if I didn't live up to that, I didn't feel worthy. Even after she left my life in 15, I kept attracting people in my life to attract back, to reflect back that energy dynamic and I would try to make other people happy. Here’s the thing about this though. When we're talking about this whole process, you want to know what changed. When I became not needy and not a people pleaser anymore when I started giving myself these emotions when I started to approve of myself when I started to feel my own worthiness when I changed the meaning that I was giving things.

That's just the way it works and one of the ways you become not needy is by understanding your own value and also developing a lifestyle that is because you want to do it, who you prefer to be. Most people are conditioned to be acting and reacting, not even acting, reacting to their environment. They may want to go do and do something for a living, but they're holding themselves back because their dad or mom wanted them to go to college and do this certain degree and they're not even passionate about it. But understand this, when you start doing what you love, you will become more attractive. When you start getting to your core and your core principles, you will be attractive. This is what it does. This is what it means as well. Not being afraid of being rejected, understanding that the more you are yourself and if people reject you, then what's happening is you're making your life easier because that person's not going to like you anyway.

The real you. That's something to realize as well. I've realized in certain aspects my own self, I remember I was talking about this recently on a podcast that I did and back when I was like 12 or 13 years old, I had an experience where one of the first girls I ever asked how it was 18 years old. It was at this parks and rec place and she was way older than me, though she was hot. I was like, "Yo baby girl." There was this dance we were doing and I was just old enough to go and yet he'd be like 12 or 13 years old. I was like, right there. I go in. I asked this 18-year-old to dance. She goes, "Ha... ha." Some other chick that I didn't want to dance with.

And she's like, huh? It was like this. It was this feeling of rejection. I remembered that even years later. I used to find myself, if I went to go talk to someone I was attracted to, I feel this big block and I wouldn't really want their approval. I wanted them to like me and I was afraid of that rejection. But here's the thing, when it comes to being attractive, it means being in it. It's being okay with taking risks. It's also holding your frame and being who you prefer to be. Having your values, doing things because it's who you are, so that is the key to this process of being not needing. We must learn to have our own. This isn't just a relationship issue, non-neediness or attracting love issue. Non-neediness is not. Neediness is about understanding that if you want to attract what you want in life, you've got to develop this non-neediness, which means you are in your frame.

You're not doing things to get you somewhere else. You're doing things because it's who you are. This is also where we get to the identity. How do you see yourself? Do you see yourself as like a chump or something like, "Oh, I just really want the text message back." Or like, I'm going to refresh my Wi-Fi to see this person has texted me back. Maybe if I refresh it, maybe I'll see that message come in. There’s a podcast recently by a girl. Her name is Rebecca. She told me that, an example, I'd give you people that's the thing I guess check and see if they texted, now that I'm saying I've never been like that. I'm just saying that when it comes to this process, what you want to realize is do you have a vision for your life and are you the star of your own movie? If you're the star of your own movie, you don't need another people's validation. Yes, it'd be nice to have some cameos in your movie, but you're not trying to become a part of everyone else's movie. You are the star. That’s what the movie is about. But the key to non-neediness is giving yourself all of these emotions by realizing they already exist inside of you.

Anytime you say I want, you're saying I don't have, I need means I don't have. The key to this is understanding the vision for your life. You be the star of your own movie, you being rooted in your core principles, your core values, and understanding what you want. If you just get clear as to your vision and are you living your purpose, are you doing what you love? As you start to take risks with these things as well, you start to develop more attractive energy. You start to design a lifestyle that you love, that your passionate about and think about it when you're talking to someone else, maybe somebody that you're attracted to. Do you need them to laugh at your jokes or are you saying the jokes because you find them funny? You know there's this fine line where you learn to be in, to fill up your own cup. Which means also that you don't need someone else's approval because you give yourself that approval. But, also you enjoy your own company.

You have fun with yourself. If I know someone else and you don't see yourself better, it's isn't about being narcissistic and seeing yourself better than anyone. This also has to do with just understanding that if you're saying things to get a certain result if you're saying the pickup line to get the person to be a certain way, then guess what's happening. You are doing a means to an end. The key to this is understanding this dynamic. Are you doing things to get somewhere else or are you doing things because it's who you are? Are you making someone laugh because you want them to like you or are you making someone laugh because you're making yourself laugh and you find your yourself funny? Do you see what I mean? It's not what changes here. The one thing you must do is you must develop non-neediness because you realize that validation, approval, worthiness and love already exist inside of you.

You don't need it from someone else. One of the best ways you do this is by getting into the core principles and values of who you are. You start to feel your own cup and you don't say things because you want other people to like you. How can you expect anyone else to be a want to be around that energy? Energy is contagious. One of the most attractive things you can do is develop gravity in your own life where you are passionate about your own life, where you don't need approval. You'll find that your life becomes magical. Non-neediness is the key to you. Attracting what you want and giving yourself that love.

My name is Aaron Doughty and I help people expand their consciousness. My areas of interest for this blog include motivation, meditation, neuroscience and enlightenment. The purpose of is to inspire change to those who want to experience more in life. I will openly and passionately share the tools, resources and processes that have made a difference in the quality of my life to help you do the same in yours. I’ve always believed that finding ways to add value to other peoples lives is the fastest route to both happiness and fulfillment and this is my genuine intention.