Your “Story” About Love is Keeping You Single


All the good ones are taken. Every girl I meet seems like the same kind of person. Women only want me because of my easel. I'm just going to be that crazy cat lady nowadays is just isn’t that easy. It's hard to connect with people at a deep level these days. I'm just waiting for my princess. The guys I meet are never doing anything with their lives. Finding a genuine connection these days is hard. Every single thing you just heard was a story. Many of us have stories about love, stories about being single, that keeps us being single or keep us out of love. In this blog, I'm going to show you how to break free of those stories so that you could experience more love in your life than ever before.

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Today, I'm going to be showing you how and why your story about love. Your once upon a time is keeping you single. I've actually thought about this recently, too, because I've realized how powerful identity is identity in the way that we see ourselves. There's this identity for the way that we see ourselves, and I've seen some people before that have an identity. Maybe I'm at a certain age. Normally that's when the pressure comes on for somebody to think, Oh I need to have kids, a woman to think, Oh I need to have kids because now is my time. Then sometimes what will happen is as they start to identify with being that person or they say telling themselves a story that all my other friends are getting married and having kids, here I am all single.

That story, that identity of seeing them as somebody who is single and 32 years old and the biological clock is ticking away as they tell themselves that story, that's when they start to create more and more pain for themselves. That's when they start to lock in their identity, and then they think actions, and they take actions equal to that. They feel feelings equal to that, and they will literally repel people from coming into their life because of that level of identity. So even like you ever heard somebody call somebody a crazy cat lady, I'm just one of those crazy, I'm going to end up being one of those crazy cat ladies. That's a story. But that's also an identity that gives them a visual mental image. When we have that, we are then moving towards that. Whether we are just joking about it or not.

It's very important to understand one, our identity. And then two are the story we tell ourselves about who we are and how love shows up in our life. The stories we have will change from person to person. Every person will have a different story, and everyone's story is based on meaning the meaning we give things. And that meaning we give things many times is on autopilot from a long period of time. We have a story about money. We have a story about love; we have a story about health and all of these stories we have, we may say, Oh, it's hard for me to lose weight. It always takes this, or I always bounce back to this level. Part of that is bouncing back to this level because the identity may be that I'm a bigger person, and it's hard for me to lose weight, which is a story.

The stories we tell ourselves are equal to the reality we experience. And the thing is most people's stories are on autopilot, and they're just not aware of it. They may say, Oh, when it comes to money, I have to work this nine to five job. I don't like it. Not only that, the money just kind of doesn't come very often and when it does come, but it also goes quickly. It's all the story, the story. Many times, the stories also come from our parents growing up. How did our parents treat money? Were they worried they were going to lose it? And so, then you might find that you also have a story that says money is scarce. There's normally a little bit of it. I need to make sure I make the most of this and this and having a scarcity mindset. What about love, do you view and have your story about love?

Is your story about love, that it's hard to attract the love that you always attract the same person with a different face? Is your story about love, that uh, that you don't ever have a real genuine, deep spiritual connection for me and my own stories, let me share with you some of them and how I broke out of them. One of my stories used to be about love in general? Love, in general as well. Understand that we have stories about what it takes for us to be loved, and we have rules about how we know love is met in our life. For example, subconsciously, I used to have a story that said that the way people show me, love, is by controlling me. Because if you know my story between seven and 15 years old, I had the step the ex-stepmom in my life, and she was controlling, manipulative, emotionally, physically, mentally abusive, and very controlling where my brother and I had no freedom whatsoever.

Then 15 years old comes around, my dad divorces her, my brother and I now have freedom. But after that, even I got into my first relationship. I was with somebody who was very jealous. She was always wondering where I was. She didn't like how outgoing I was. There was so much she was trying to control about me. Then I was with her for a couple of years, and then eventually, I broke up with her, and when I broke up with her, I then got transferred to a department at Nordstrom's and woman's shoes. I got transferred to a better department with a manager that was almost the same type of personality. My ex stepmom, I associated woman, I had a story about a woman that was, that woman wanted to control me. What I was saying is that's the way I thought women were supposed to love me because the model that I had growing up for that period of my life is seven to 15 years old with somebody.

I've seen this in other people's lives too, in different ways. My buddy Victor, who many of you guys know Victor Oddo, his parents really worried about him growing up because he had a, he had a firefighter firecracker accident, and he was in a lot of pain, is very traumatic. His parents felt guilty about it, but his parents were always worried, tell him what's going to happen to him. His mom would tell him; I worry about you because I love you. He started doing associate worry with love. So, guess what? Now with his kids, he worries a lot about his kids. He didn't know for a while now. He knows that that worry for his kids is him trying to love his kids. In the same way, he may worry about money, worry about money, not knowing that that's his way of loving, and wanting to create more of it. That's what he thinks he has to do because we associate love with a certain emotion growing up. The story we tell ourselves about love specifically, it's going to control the kind of people we attract into our life.

Maybe you had divorced parents that guided part of me started to develop a story that said I don't ever want to get married because I see my dad go through two divorces, and I've seen a lot of pain with having to, you know, go back and forth. I've seen the way my ex stepmom, even to this day, treats my dad. I really don't want to ever want to have to experience. She lies about a lot of things, and my dad's the nicest guy in the world. He just gets, it gets taken advantage of. I don't want to be that. That's my story, and I've realized recently that I have a story that says that most likely, if I get married, I will get divorced because that's what I saw growing up and why go through all that pain. So subconsciously, my story is attributing pain to divorce and pain to love because I use, so I assume and associate that with, that's probably what's going to happen.

Anyways, that's the story I'm telling myself, and that story remains on autopilot. I also realized that I had one route experience from when I was like 13 or 14 years old, when I was at this park and recreational summer school type thing. And it was getting rejected by this girl that I asked out. She was 18 or 19 years old. She was one of the teachers, and there was this little dance that only teenagers could go to. I was like 13. I was all excited. I got to go. I went up and asked her, Hey, do you want to dance? She kind of laughed and goes, head dance. This one is your age. How about God?

The way that you get out of this is you see these things that have happened as stories. That's it. Once you see them as stories, they don't have as much power over you. The only time they have a massive amount of power over you is when you think, and you believe your stories. You think your stories are who you are instead of seeing them for stories. It's like watching that movie once upon a time in Hollywood, and you watched that movie, and it's like you, and you're able to depend on a belief and see that as a story.

But it's not real. It would've been cool if it was real, though. Cause the twist at the end; you know what I mean? If you've seen that movie, it's a much better ending than actually what happened in real life. But a story. It's a story. The more we believe in our stories, the more power they have over us. I'll tell you right now that the unlocking of this is becoming aware of your story about love and what you have to do to be love and what you have to do to give how you express your love.

I want people out of pain. But I do that sometimes in the way of trying to control it because that's what I learned to love was. But now I realize that I have a story about even that there are stories on stories, on stories like racks, on racks, on racks, but you got stories on stories, on stories. People will have a story about their story. But stories are hard to change stories. You can't just change like this. You got to really work at it. Change can't be that easy. Beliefs are hard to find. What are beliefs you see now? Do we have stories about stories? Here's the thing. Every moment we recreate ourselves, every moment we recreate ourselves, every moment we created a Greek create ourselves. The thing is we keep recreating ourselves to be the same identity with the same story over and over and over again.

We're like, Oh, it's hard to attract the right person. It's hard to write a check to either the person. It's still harder to talk to our person. We keep telling ourselves that, and then it's our reality, and then the key to it though, is becoming aware of the story and seeing it for what it is. It's just a story, and when you start to become aware of your stories, and you shine the light on the stories, you see that you can then change the story. The key to this and the reason so many people are single is that their story is that love is hard to come into their life. It's that you, they feel like they are not enough. They feel like they are not enough. Therefore, they put out an energy that says I'm not, and then when they go out into the world, they also get people that are responding to that energy.

They may not be as attracted because they feel that that person believes they're not enough, or if they do attract a relationship, they attract someone who probably also always also believes they're not enough. It's always a direct one on one reflection. The key to this whole process is becoming aware. The stories you tell yourself, and if you want help with that, look at the stories your parents tell themselves. Are your parents divorced? Did they then associate love with pain? Did they use their kids as pawns between their own emotional baggage happens a lot with divorces and then these kids, the kids develop these belief systems and these stories about the way love is and who they are and what they have to do. To be worthy.

The power, though, is simply becoming aware of your stories by starting to ask yourself the question, what is my story about love? What is my story about who I am right now in my life? What is my story about? How am I rules for how I love and what it takes for me to be love and the rules I have for how I know love has met? What that means is like what if we had these rules? If like, well, I know I'm loved when every when everyone in my family tells me all the time how much they love me when I've got constant validation, when they do nice things for me, all of these things that are outside of us rather than giving ourselves love, we have all these rules, and it's almost impossible to feel loved because not everyone all the time is going to tell us that they love us because we set such high barrier to rule the rules to it.

But what if we lowered the error of venture to the rules? We said, you know what? I'm going to feel love. Anytime I focus on my heart, I'm going to feel love. Anytime I realize I'm grateful for what I have and if we redefine it, we redefine our rules. We find that it changes. The meaning of my story changed. That's when then I'd never attracted someone in my life controlling like that again because I completed that pattern. I changed the story is what I did and in your story right now, just like a movie and your story right now, you're either the star of your own story, or you're the cameo when someone else's movie and many people that are single are trying to be the cameo in someone else's movie, and that's why they're single.

If you were to instead take the star roll back and then move forward with that powerful energy, that beautiful energy of knowing you are enough, you'd then put out new energy. You're playing a new role, and people then respond to you as you made that change of that role within you. You see, that's the key. People are responding to us based on the energy we are putting out, and if we're putting out the energy of a cameo, then that person will treat us as such, and they will continue to be the star of their movie. You'll just be the little PR to the person that's there. Remember, if you treat somebody like a celebrity, they're going to treat you like a fan. Take your star rollback, and then people will start to treat you that way as well. But have to first off become aware of the story you're telling yourself about, about love, the story you're telling yourself and the role that you're playing, the identity you're playing.

At any point, you can change it. It's just that up until this point you thought it was set. You thought you were given a script, and you thought you were told, this is the script that I meant to read, and this is all there is. Not knowing you could change it. You're the director, you're the person that can change at any moment, and you could change your story by changing the meaning everything up until now. Legend to this point, and from this point going forward, you could now change it. I have a whole series on how to stop chasing love, how to stop chasing money, and it's one of the most powerful series I have on YouTube.

My name is Aaron Doughty and I help people expand their consciousness. My areas of interest for this blog include motivation, meditation, neuroscience and enlightenment. The purpose of is to inspire change to those who want to experience more in life. I will openly and passionately share the tools, resources and processes that have made a difference in the quality of my life to help you do the same in yours. I’ve always believed that finding ways to add value to other peoples lives is the fastest route to both happiness and fulfillment and this is my genuine intention.